Changing Core Beliefs “following a Real NLP Training customer. Done with permission from the customer, whose name has been changed. The Life Coach is Nancy Slocum.
I do not give a damn.
I mean truly don’t give a rats ass. I do not. And I could not get myself to care even if I wished to. But I do not even need to and that’s how much I don’t care about anything. Caring about anything just does not make any sense to me. It’s a core belief I guess and changing core beliefs looks difficult.
If I cared, I wouldn’t smoke. I wouldn’t drink so much and I wouldn’t even overeat. I’d treat my other half miles better and take more responsibility round the house. There is so much I’d do if I cared, but I don’t! I know how bad this must sound because there is a part of me that does care, but that part is pretty damn weak. I can see how my life would improve dramatically if I cared about it more. I know what to do, but in the instant, this part of me that doesn’t care about anything just takes over and nothing really matters after that. Not caring, I even enjoy myself in a laughable way. It is a kind of momentary liberty.
Rod scowled as he considered everything he’d just said. It’s tough, real tricky.
And he is right. Changing core beliefs that nothing is worth caring for is not easy. For Rod, it has been a lifetime pursuit. Of course, he compensates for not caring by causing himself to work at it when he must. When his other half has had enough, he gets busy doing the things he needs to do round the house. When his weight reaches 250 pounds, he diets down to 220. He compensates for not caring by rushing to piece things together when they break up due to neglect.
This is rather a way to go thru life, stubbornly refusing to worry, then hustling to pick up the pieces left in the trail of neglect. Life, for example it is, demands that we care about our health, family, work and the basics of getting along in a whole world of folk. When we refuse to worry, the effects start to mount. Of course, not caring in the extraordinary is suicide.
How did Rod come to such a dilemma, caught between his out of control contempt for the demands of life and the ever-pressing reality that life demands to be well attended?
I believe it started when mum and dad divorced. Mom was always a little distant, but when she took us youngsters and left my pop, she retreated even further into a depression. She left home early and when she came back from work, spent the evening in her bedroom. Basically, I was left alone to raise myself. I got myself up for college, made my lunch, ate breakfast, washed and walked to school. After school, I came back home, did my homework and hid from my older brother. Evenings were spent in front of the Television alone.
When youngsters are neglected, they have a tendency to believe their needs are trivial. Of course , if they were important, adults would attend to them, right? They cannot fathom, till the teenage years, that adults might be simply insufficient or incorrect. Kids simply desert their desires in the same fashion as their wannabe carers and remain hopelessly comatose of the process. For Rod, not caring about his needs was merely the air he lived in and breathed.
As a grown up, his need to take care of himself, his family and his various responsibilities naturally took a backseat to his core belief that his desires did not merit such close attention. This, of course, is an invitation to live behind the 8-ball.
I care most when my lack of caring has caught up with me. I believe caring is just not my default setting. How would I love to be? I don’t know. Of course I could say “I would like to care more” but that’d be announced without much feeling behind it.
I do not really believe I am scared to care, although it is sensible from a logical standpoint. Caringinvestment..could lead to rejection, failure, agony. But my life now does not support that. I only get positive returns on caring nowadays, in my marriage and business and health, etcIt is the lack of caring that leads to negative implications.
I just think uncaring is my natural tendency from way, way back. I’m hard put to get under the emotional armoring of having learned so well that not too much is worth actually caring for. It is like a stone sitting on my heart “every day of my life.
Changing core beliefs. Where is the hope for Rod? It lies in the realm of training around changing core beliefs. When Rod begins to get under the stone that sits on his heart with the help of his coach, a new world will burst open before his eyes. For the moment, Rod will just observe his pattern without making an attempt to change it. “Just. Notice when you lack caring. See it. Don’t try to change it. Just identify it and observe without judgment,” was Nancy’s information for this week.
This is a real unfinished work, reported with authorization. Rod, whose name has been changed, will provide updates to his process as they develop. Stay tuned for more on Rod’s changing core beliefs process.
Mark Matts is an NLP Certification consultant and general lover of NLP.
Business Coaching for a More Satisfying life at in your Career – trinity underwriting managers
NLP Business Coaching “An invite to a less hectic, more profitable context.
Quality NLP business coaching helps the client approach business from a wholly different point of view – a structural one. There maybe no better context for NLP than business because achievement in the business world requires structural thinking. Even those successful business folk who don’t understand they’re thinking structurally rely on structural thinking to make choices, manage employees, create systems, run conferences and guage new opportunities.
NLP Business Coaching and Structural Thinking
What is structural thinking? Frequently ascribed to Gregory Bateson, every NLPer is acquainted with the saying: Before we start thinking about something, we should think about how we are going to think about it.
Not that this may help you understand what structural thinking is. The above quote does , however , put us in the right context. It suggests that we want to step back and take a wider view of our situation. Before we dive into something like sorting out a problem or arriving at a decision, let’s consider our technique. Again, business is the best context to apply this principle. Before going into a meeting, create a goal, plan a method or develop a product “first have a technique in mind and understand the factors by which you will judge your success.
Many business owners, officers and executives are so involved in the daily issues that surround them “employees, finances, schedules, politics and the usual high stress life-style “that they do not EVER experience the benefits of the wider, rather more tranquil context that can permit structural thinking. This is the fundamental point of NLP business coaching “to invite you into a less fettered, more objective space where your own knowledge has an opportunity to appear and you can begin to pick up on the patterns that could make or break your success.
RIck Maylerker is an NLP coaching expert and NLP Business Coaching practitioner.